W. C. Fields

WILLIAM CLAUDE DUKENFIELD Born: 1880 in Philadelphia Died: 1946 Comedian, juggler, actor, mimic, writer, director

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."

"I admit I scanned it once, searching for some movie plots...but found only a pack of wild lies." ON READING THE BIBLE

"Who put grapefruit juice in my grapefruit juice?!"

"Once...in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days."

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

"Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink."

W. C. on MAE WEST: "A plumber's idea of Cleopatra."

"I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."

"My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies."

"There's an Ethiopian in the fuel supply."

"I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know."

POSTSCRIPT "I was married once...in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great eartquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad." W. C. FIELDS